Things I Learned on a 700 Mile Road Trip

First, you should know this is not a undertaking for the faint of heart nor the sore of behind! Especially when young children are in the traveling party. I don't know how my parents did 8 trips between California and Tennessee in a Datsun with no air conditioning. They definitely get extra points.

Now for those Things I Learned:

*The speed at which 5 year old kidneys process bottled water increases with a direct correlation to the anticipation of arriving at your destination. For example, we had to pull over between six and eight times within the last 50 miles of Orlando so Thomas could "paint" the guardrail or water the weeds.

*There are a remarkable number of vehicles on which turn signals are optional equipment. I naively thought they came standard and their use was required. My fellow motorists in Georgia and Florida were kind enough to educate me.

*Passing on the right is the new black.

*There are an infinite number of Cracker Barrel restaurants on I-75 between Chattanooga and Orlando.

*The only differences between Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg and Orlando/Kissimmee are the terrain (mountains vs. swamps), alligators, and a 15% mark-up on everything.

*Its legal to advertise practically anything on a billboard in Georgia. This mostly refers to the ads that proclaim "couples welcome" and shout about how much they are not wearing. They also have trucker discounts and showers (gross!) Nope, I'm not kidding. I wish I were.

*The best pecans, tangerines, and peach cider can be found at Big Rosie's stand just outside of Valdosta, Georgia off I-75. We sampled pecans that had been shelled the day before and tangerines that were so sweet and juicy! They were so fresh and yummy. He is the farmer so the prices were reasonable also.

*You must stop at some point and release the children from the confines of the car and let them run. Of course, you are saying, "well, that's obvious. They need to stretch their legs." True, but I mean for your sake. They are like bottle rockets that you are trying to trap in the bottle. They will explode. You will be hit by the shrapnel.

*Toll roads are expensive. Not just the tolls but the "Convenience Stations" that are provided so you don't have to exit to get gas or a snack. Every time you exit, you pay. Every time you enter, you pay. I think when all is said and done unless you are just going to the bathroom the amount spent is a wash.

*Everything that offers a discount to the major attractions and hotels is a time share scam. DON'T GO! Run for your life! Use the Official Visitors Bureau. Their discounts are for real.